She Isn't Gone
by PvtBrook
Summary: Prompt: "Why are you looking at me like that? Come on, I love you, you know that— why are you pointing that knife at me. Put it down nice and gently. I love you, please don't do this. Put it down. You're not in your right mind; they're controlling you, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME. I LOVE YOU. COME ON, PLEASE PUT IT DOWN YOU'RE SCARING ME THIS ISN'T YOU" AU. OR Reaper!Lexa AU. Oneshot
**Post-season 2. Some of the Mountain Men survived and are still making reapers in some cave or something. I wrote this BEFORE season 3 came out then I wrote the end recently in honour of Lexa's passing so I incorporated the black blood thing, but that's really it. Apologies.**

 **—**

"She's been gone for over a month, why haven't you _found her yet?!_ " Clarke yelled at Indra.

After the defeat of Mount Weather, the Trikru and Skaikru were able to settle down. Kane had gathered some his most trusted comrades and brought them to the grounder capital, Polis. They had taken the brand of the coalition and had become the thirteenth clan. With Clarke being unable to leave her people and live in Polis, the Commander regularly visited Tondc and the newly established Arkadia every couple of months from to do a 'check in' (which everyone knew was the reason she used to see her girlfriend).

On the most recent check in in Tondc and a few days after her arrival, Lexa led a hunt with several of her warriors. Hours after they had left, there was no trace of them. It has been a month of looking for them and Indra has sent out search party after search party to scour the forest for any trace of Lexa and the other members of Trikru. They had come back to camp with a few bodies of some of the grounders that went with Lexa, but there was no sign of the Commander herself.

And Clarke was getting pissed off that no one has found her yet.

"We are doing the best we can, Sky Girl!" Indra replied angrily. "If she was alive, do you not think that we would have found her by now?"

Clarke glared at the older woman, "Well she sure as hell isn't _dead!"_

 _"Indra!"_ Shouting was heard outside the tent. _"Skaikru tag in! Emo don Heda!"_

Clarke looked towards the tent flaps hopefully. "They found her?" She whispered.

Indra had already stated to jog to the entrance of the tent. She glanced back at the blonde with a glimmer of hope in her eyes, "Let's go, Sky girl! We need to hurry."

—.—

The guards led them to the area of the Ark they labelled as jail, which worried Clarke. A guard positioned outside the cell door used the key card to unlock the padlock and led the two women through into the sound-proof room.

When Clarke and Indra walked into the cell they had expected Lexa to be in poor condition. They had expected her to have broken limbs. They expected her to be bedridden for days with a terrible illness. They thought that, maybe, she would have gunshot wounds since some of the guards from the mountain had escaped.

Neither of them expected this.

Clarke's eyes were immediately drawn to the Commander. She was chained to the back wall with her wrists loosely tied together. Before Clarke could even open her mouth to ask why, she noticed Lexa's ruined clothes covered in blood and grime. Her wrists were coated in black from her constantly pulling on the cuffs and rubbing them raw. Her feet were muddy; cut up from running around barefoot in the forest.

Her face was covered in dirt and old blood was dried around her mouth. She had a nasty gash above her eyebrow that was still dropping drops of black blood down her face. Lexa's crazed green eyes were outlined by limestone, covering where her war paint would have been. Her body was shaking uncontrollably and she looked unpredictable. She looked exactly like Lincoln did when he was turned into a reaper and they chained him in the drop ship.

"Oh my...Lexa?" Clarke questioned. "What happened to her?"

Indra took a step forwards. The moment she did, Lexa tried to charge at her and growled. Her restraints groaned against the wall but kept her back. Indra took a deep breath, "What does it look like? She was turned into a _ripa,_ Sky girl."

"Well," Clarke stared pointedly at the general, "we can still change her back right? No big deal, we've done this many times before."

The Arker shifted her gaze back to her girlfriend and took a few steps nearer, ignoring the guard's complaints, to get a closer look at Lexa. "We _need_ to save her."

"Even _I_ can tell a lost cause when I see one, _Skai Prisa."_

"Lexa _isn't_ a lost cause!" The blonde spun around angrily and glared at the other woman. "She _can_ be saved!"

"How?" She asked. "She has been gone for months and has _obviously_ been exposed to the injection for too long." The general turned around to face the door. "As much as it pains me to say, she is going to die and _you_ cannot stop it!"

Clarke groaned and closed her eyes. She threw her hands on her head and raked her fingers through her hair in a frustrated manner.

"Minoe, find my mother and ask her to sedate Lexa," Clarke told the guard, who quickly left the room to fulfil his orders.

Indra stomped to Clarke and scowled at her. "I already told you. She cannot surv—"

Clarke raised a hand to stop Indra. "That's where you're wrong." Clarke stated fiercely. "I know she can survive this. She's strong."

The darker woman's frown deepened and a protective glare flashed in her eyes. "I have known Lexa since she was a young child; she grew up here and I have seen what she had to go through, physical _and_ emotional. If I say she cannot live through something, she _can't_." Indra glanced back at Lexa. "I have seen what long amounts of exposure do to them. No matter how much you want to believe she will live, there is no way." And as if to prove her point, Lexa tried to charge at them again. The chains that were binding her were straining against the hundred-year-old walls.

Clarke was speechless for a moment. "We...we have to try. She can't be gone."

Before Indra could further object, Abby scuttled into the room with a small cart scattered with utensils. She rolled it close to the bed that stood close to the Commander and picked up a syringe. Abby looked towards the other two women and smiled sympathetically at Clarke with worry etched in her eyes, then looked at Indra expectantly. The older woman excused herself to wait in the hall.

Abby turned her gaze onto Lexa, who looked weak and seemed like she would pass out any second. Abby cautiously walked closer to Lexa and hoped the younger girl would be too tired to resist. She looked at her bleeding, cuffed wrists doubtingly before stepping closer.

That's when Lexa acted.

The Commander grabbed the chains connected to the cuffs and pulled herself upwards before she kicked out at Abby with her right leg. She landed a blow on the arm holding the syringe and it fell to the ground, fortunately not breaking. The reaper kicked at Abby again, but the doctor stepped back quick enough to evade the hit. Lexa growled and pulled at the restraints again and again until the ends connected to the wall snapped off with ease.

Clarke was frozen in shock. Lexa threw herself at the doctor, latching onto her arms and hurling her towards the trolley. When Abby hit the trolley, it crashed to the floor with a loud bang and the utensils scattered across the floor.

Snapping out of her shock, Clarke charged towards the syringe and picked it up. As she turned to face her girlfriend she felt something kick her in the ribs and she let out a sharp yelp. The blonde turned so she was lying on her back. She saw Lexa, who was on the floor, crawl towards a scalpel lying on the ground. Before Clarke could react, the brunette gripped the sharp metal in her hand and launched herself at the blonde, pinning her to the metal ground. Clarke's head slammed against the metal and temporarily disoriented her. She felt the cool metal from the scalpel press against her neck.

Clarke looked into her girlfriend's eyes and only saw a caged animal, not the loving girl she knew from the months they have been dating.

She didn't see the girl who was almost constantly sitting by her bedside when she got sick a few months ago.

She didn't see the girl who got embarrassed after she had slipped and fallen into the lake while trying to impress her, then blushed for ten full minutes afterwards.

She saw one of the monsters that her father used to read to her about when she was a kid, glaring at her.

"Lex," Clarke tried, "baby why are you looking at me like that?" Clarke tried to move her arms, but Lexa's knees were pinning them down. "Come on, why are you pointing that at me?" Lexa dug the scalpel a bit deeper, breaking skin. Clarke thought she saw a flash of awareness go through Lexa's eyes and Clarke acted on it. "I-I love you, you know that..."

Lexa's grip on the scalpel loosened. "Put it down gently, Lexa." Clarke's voice was trembling. "Please, _ai hod yu in...Beja_. You...you promised me that you would _never_ harm me..."

The scalpel was released.

Seconds later, her mother rose from her spot on the floor and injected Lexa with the sedative and helped her onto the bed after she passed out.

She looked _dead_.

Clarke slowly sat up and slid herself backwards until she hit the wall. She pulled her knees up to her chest and put a hand over the cut on her neck. She felt as though she had been stabbed in the heart.

Abby painfully knelt down beside her and gave her a quick hug. "We'll fix her, Clarke. Don't worry."

—.—

Clarke was woken by faint groans. The blonde forced her tired eyes open to see Lexa struggling to sit up. Her eyes were squeezed shut and she pulled against the restraints on her arms to keep her down.

"Lex."

Lexa, now sitting up, stopped fighting and opened her bloodshot eyes to see Clarke sitting beside her bed gazing worriedly at her. She opened her mouth but quickly shut it and looked away. The blonde picked up a cup of water from the side table. She opened Lexa's hand and gently placed the cup in her hand and made sure she had a grip on it before letting go. Clarke tried again, "Lexa?"

The Commander still didn't look at her.

Clarke huffed. She tried again. "We got all the Red out of your system. You're all better now, isn't that great?" She smiled weakly at the brunette. Lexa still didn't look up and her shoulders were tense. Clarke was fed up.

 _"Lexa!"_

The girl in question's head shot up towards her so fast Clarke was surprised she didn't get whiplash. What she saw shocked her, though. Lexa's green eyes were glistening with tears. She kept glancing at the scabbing cut on her neck with guilty eyes. Clarke leaned closer to her girlfriend. "Lexa, _please_ , none of this was your fault..."

"I almost killed you, Clarke." A raspy voice sounded. Clarke's shoulders dropped for a moment, "No, no that was the Red. It wasn't you. You didn't have any contr—"

"I shouldn't have gotten caught in the _first_ place." Lexa said shakily. She looked back down and clenched her fists. "It _is_ my fault."

Clarke looked at Lexa's hands and quickly went to start undoing the leather straps holding her down, but was stopped with a quiet, "Stop."

The blonde casted her gaze towards the brunette, "Lexa, you aren't going to hurt anyone. The Red is out of your system, just like I said."

"You don't understand, Clarke." Lexa practically growled. She took a deep breath and in clenched her fists. "I still...remember everything I did. It will never go away. This is different than killing my enemy in a war; they were innocent people. It was a time of peace and I killed them..."

Clarke gently placed a hand over the Commander's. Lexa slowly tilted her head upward until green eyes met blue. Clarke leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. Clarke leaned back again until she was almost nose-to-nose with her girlfriend. "It was the drug. It was the people who lived in Mount Weather. It is _not_ your fault. You had no choice and no control."

Lexa's eyes travelled over Clarke. She continually glanced at the cut on her girlfriend's neck with guilt noticeably etched across her features. Lexa's lower lip started to quiver and her eyes quickly glossed over. Her voice hitched, "I'm sorry."

Clarke smiled at her girlfriend sadly and closed the short distance between the two and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. As Lexa started to press forward, Clarke receded. Clarke pushed against Lexa's shoulders to force her back down onto the bed. "Rest, _ai hodnes._ " Clarke carefully released the straps holding Lexa down. "We will continue when you're feeling better."

 **—**

 ** _Skaikru tag in! Emo don Heda!_** **= The sky people called. They found Heda!**  
 ** _Ripa_** **= Reaper / Murderer**  
 ** _Ai hod yu in_** **= I love you**  
 ** _Beja_** **= Please**  
 ** _Ai hodnes_** **= My love**

 **I'm sorry, I meant to post this two or three days ago but I asked very unreliable people to edit it. Rest assured I'll never be asking them to edit again.**

 **I have had this story written and unfinished for around eight months or so. I decided to finish it. It is in no way happy and I am sorry, but I wanted to finally get it out like I planned to do. Reshop Heda. Thanks for an amazing two seasons.**


End file.
